Often we’ve written a script in our heads that may or may not be accurate. But this script can be limiting us from attaining our full potential. In this linked post (Is Your “Story” Holding You Back? Six Ways to Rewrite It—and Supercharge Your Power by Nancy D. O’Reilly, PsyD), we discover ways our stories are limiting our leadership potential and how to write new stories.

Think of these stories as a glossary of the lessons we have learned from those who have led us. Unfortunately, most of these stories are based upon someone’s perceptions about us that may not always be true and upon our interpretation of those lessons that may not be accurate.

Most of these stories result from situations that did not go well or when mistakes were made. As leaders, we are responsible for making sure the lessons we teach those who follow us are based upon truth and not a perception of what we think was the reason and motivation for the lesson. We need to be very careful and purposeful in communicating those lessons so they are interpreted correctly.

So how do we do this?

The formula is a 5-step process:

1. Start with taking the time to understand the motivation and goal of the action taken clearly. This step involves conversations that are not judgmental but honest two-way communications. Be very clear on what you, the leader, think you know and ask for confirmation or disagreement about the purpose or cause of the employee’s action.
2. Ask the person to communicate what they were thinking and how they came to a decision or action of concern. Understanding the source of inadequate training, the wrong direction, poor judgment, or accidents is critical. To do this, we need to make sure we are creating a safe zone for this conversation and entering this conversation with the attitude that this person didn’t make a mistake or a bad judgment on purpose. The underlying cause is all we want to understand.
3. Allow the person to self-diagnose what happens and why. It is often easy for us to do this for them, but their growth will come from this practice of self-diagnosis.
4. Allow the person to recommend how they will fix the issue and commit to how they will prevent this situation from reoccurring. Again, it is often hard for us to do this step; we probably know how to fix it, but this is where personal growth and learning come from, and it is a way to apply real consequences to their actions; the process of fixing the mistake.
5. After the situation has been fixed and things “return to normal,” set up a time to debrief on this situation and allow the person to identify what they learned and how they have become a better employee because of this learning experience.

This I know to be true more often than not:

• Your staff sincerely wants to do the best they can; they are not trying to undermine you, the project, or the department.
• Your staff can be critical thinkers and solve the problems that occur if given the support and empowerment they need.
• Your staff is adult learners that more effective at learning when they are doing.
• Your staff will be inspired to do better when they know they are being asked to learn, stretch and grow every day.

If those who follow you will take these stories into their future, we owe them an honest and truthful story.